Eleventh, twelfth and thirteenth sessions...

Photos from my ninth and tenth sessions...Also did some experimenting with Luke and his daughter behind the glass...two of the close ups uploaded with slightly cooler colors

There's something very tender about them...with two individuals instead of one...I'll have do continue exploring this in the future.

Had a good critique with the thesis group tonight...I've got a good idea of the space my work will have to show in the gallery and I'm excited to display my instillation and portrait works together as cohesive bodies of work. Looking at my work now, I'm really impressed at what I have accomplished as a photographer, pushing my work out of the two dimensional realm into space where my viewers can interact with them. Earlier in my blog I mentioned how I was inspired to create experiences that bring you in, makes a connection and leaves an impression, a residue...and more so, something that feels and makes you feel. I felt that I could do more with my photographs and that they themselves had more to offer. Taking the artistic steps and pushing and exploring boundaries between the photograph and an instillation has led me down successful paths where I am feeling like I am really creating something rather than capturing an image of a moment that happened someplace else.

Tonight, looking at images from my session with my brother, the group helped me to determine a more cohesive aesthetic among my photos that connects them together. I've been battling between images which focuses on facial expression and size versus compositional elements...All are important, but upon viewing the individual images in groups in relation to one another, I've realized that a focus on the emotion they hold and the size of the people within the photograph make for a smoother and more cohesive collection. This in turn has led to the thought of showing the images in groups instead of individually with a traditional amount of space in between them. My work this year has explored concepts of loss and isolation, but perhaps more importantly, been an exploration and a realization of processes of healing and a common desire for community and connectivity which threads us together.

I plan on having all my photography done by the end of next week so that I can use the rest of the weeks leading up to the show to plan out and build structures to present them in.

Revised Artist Statement

Most of us thrive on human connectivity. We want to be wanted, we're unhappy when we're not. Much of our relationship with others is premised upon our fear of isolation...of being alone, being apart from who and what we love...our fear of losing something or someone. What happens when the other side of the connection is gone? Unresolved emotions, high-fives left hanging, hearts that keep searching for something which has already left. What happens to those threads that connect us to one another...the ones that are cut loose left blowing in the wind?

My work is an exploration of these questions and through it I am driven to create something more than a simple portrait, but rather, an experience that brings you in, makes a connection and leaves an impression...a residue, something that questions, something that feels and makes you feel. In my photographs, I ask individuals to sit behind a large piece of glass that acts as a barrier isolating subject from photographer. The glass creates a physical experience momentarily confusing senses as the subject, unable to see clearly through the glass, gazes through a blurred and muffled filter. Through this process of isolation from each other, the subject is exposed to the repercussions from feelings of isolation, lack of communication and an inability to connect.

From the outside looking in, it is easier to see the person behind the glass, to watch their expressions change, to see what is going on. Similarly, when dealing with degrees of isolation, it is often easier for one to look in on another's grief when we are not the one held down by our own depression. My photographic process brings others and myself to a closer understanding of what it means to feel alone and why. My portraits are a looking glass into ourselves and into others exploring concepts of isolation, navigating through the aftermath of what is left when something vital to ourselves leaves or is taken away. They serve as connections to others traveling through similar waters in an effort to better understand processes of healing. Our desire for community and connectivity lives as a bridge between us and reminds us that we are not alone.

Photos from my eighth session...yesterday morning I photographed my younger brother. He is seventeen and lives in Japan with my mom. I don't get to see him much anymore and sometimes I forget that he has suffered many of the same losses in life that I have. Separation can alter and transform relationships...In many ways he has matured without me, and now suddenly there's a young man behind the glass that I haven't even met yet.

Isolation...sometimes it causes us to forget what we can't see. Isolated in our own world, in our own head. What happens when we reconnect with what was once lost? Can we find our way back...will the connecting threads bind us together again? ...And if not? Are we truly all alone in our personal glass box? What does it mean to be able to see but not touch? Or to feel but not see? What happens to those threads...the ones cut loose left blowing in the wind...

Words that came up recently...
...honest...revealing

Seventh session...photographed my mom yesterday and it was a little hard to go through some of the images especially since I could guess some of the things probably running through her mind.

After her session she told me to switch places with her and she'll photograph me. Up until that moment, I hadn't really experienced what it was like sitting behind the glass...From the photographer's point of view, you can see the person modeling pretty clearly. Looking out from behind the glass, on the other hand, is a lot harder...everything looks blurred and muffled as if a thick haze is separating you from the world. The glass also quiets sound so its a bit harder to hear too. I finally realized why it was hard for my models to hear me sometimes.

I had only moved a couple feet to sit behind the glass instead of in front of it, yet that simple act altered my environment and my relationship with it. I couldn't see out, my senses were confused...not only did I suddenly feel a little nervous and unsure of myself, but I was alone, I was with myself. Before I was on the outside looking in and now I was on the inside unable to look out...I think I have begun to more fully comprehend the physical experience I am creating for my models and the emotional premise behind my photographs. How during those dark moments we feel so alone...It's easy to look in from the outside, easier when we aren't held down by our own depression. But no one can really understand right? No, when you're behind that glass, when everything looks hazy and dull and unrecognizable how can you communicate, how can you listen, how can you connect...when you can't even see past that half an inch of "glass"?

Back to photographing... Here are photos from my sixth session. I'm looking to photograph around 5 or so more people, I'd like to get to at least ten sessions to choose from for my thesis show.